SOMEWHERE

sketchy things i do for little to no money in hopes of finding a real, less sketchy job:

- re-write scripts for people with no writing credit or contract

the glorious end is near

just over a year later… 90 is such an arbitrary number, but, I’ve finally broken 80. and this time I think it will work; I have faith. I will do this the right way, but this is a first good step. things look better than good.

being a bit too vague, but I am referring to my screenplay, which I have spent countless hours on, both productively and unproductively.

i am giving birth all over the place.

“Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won’t know for twenty years. And you’ll never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it’s what you create. Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn’t really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved.”

- Charlie Kaufman, Synecdoche, New York

conscious hypocrisy.

simultaneously writing a paper about the soul-sucking nature of Facebook while procrastinating by using Facebook

how to erase the notion of good?

need for love vs selfishness in art

“good” vs emotional satisfaction

100% clarity vs 60% clarity

money vs money

audience vs me

ability vs intention

intention vs time

time vs practicality

work vs play

balance vs imbalance

what film school has taught me:

- Figure out who to trust and who’s in it for themselves

- Realize that most, if not all, people are insecure in some way, artistically or otherwise

- No one has obligations to you, but they do have obligations to their reputation

- Films are best achieved with friends, who are professional

- The people who love their work are more apparent than those who pretend

- Love your work, otherwise there is no future for you

- Work. Constantly.

- Allow yourself to doubt, but do not let doubt get in the way of your work

- A mentor is worth your education. Find someone who believes in you.

- Don’t be afraid to ask for anything

- Remember why you’re doing it, otherwise there is no point

trying to keep my sanity in the following weeks.

初心

life, a how to guide

How to be a better person? I don’t know.